thiscantbelife.

Everything is a jumble of emotions right now and nothing makes sense and my music doesn’t make sense and I want to cry because I know what I need to do but I don’t want to…even though I said I wanted to, I’m not ready to let it all go. I’m not ready, but when is a good time? When is it ever convenient? It’s never convenient to change your life. Sometimes it just takes desperation. That emptiness where you feel like you’re actually folding in upon yourself repeatedly, I remember using that analogy, why I always relate things to tasks that I find therapeutic is always funny to me because the very thing that calms me is the best visual I can use to describe the feeling of everything crumbling around me and making me just want to shrink into nothingness and I understand that none of this makes sense but sometimes it’s best when you don’t make sense because when you reread it to yourself you can get to the bottom of what’s really iggin you, what’s really getting you going and having you all fired up and feeling like everything is in ruins. Is it because you feel like a failure because you’re still not in the job that you think should be in? Is it because you’re still single? Is it because you fear that you’ll never be happy by yourself? Are you sad because you’ve lost your way? Are you sure you want to find it?

What if you don’t like what you see when you figure it all out Ashley? What then?